Tonight I am getting caught up in the old memories of sentimental cheapness and desire. Consumed with the need to be wanted causing me to meditate on past mistakes and pain so that I can’t even think straight. Listening to music of this world only makes it worse. Feeding the fire within so bittersweet. Then I get a glimpse of what I’m really living in and the joy comes rushing in again. All these carnal needs mean nothing anymore. Relief floods over me as I see again who I am in Christ and I know that He knows the desires of my heart and I get back down on my knees and pray. Cleans my heart oh God that I may delight myself in you and then the pure desires of my heart will be made real. May I stay focused on your calling and plan for me for I know that I am loved and only the best you have in store for me. Let me die to my selfishness and awake with a new dose of humility. Stay on my mind and on my tongue that I might always sing your praise. We can not let ourselves get lost in the everyday feelings which will come upon us because our hearts are great liars and will lead us astray faster than we can know. I know this because it is my greatest weakness.

M. Fawn Saylor, Oct 11, 2015