What have I learned about being present, particularly in my recovery from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder? Well, I do understand that recovery only happens one day at a time, so first of all, I do not need to worry about being in this pain for the rest of my life. I understand that focusing on the future, or the outcome, will only make the journey to healing harder, and possibly overwhelming at times. If I only focus on the “When will I be healed moment” I only take away from the energy needed to focus on the moments in today that I need strength for to get through this day. Understanding that each day will bring new struggles, I will instead focus my energy into gratitude. I choose to be grateful for the challenges that today will bring because I know I will only learn and grow from them. So I will look at each day as an opportunity to learn about my pain, my struggle, and study how I heal from it.

“Being present” in my recovery for me means accepting my condition as it is in its true definition, and not allowing myself to get caught up in the emotions of failure or thinking less of myself because I have PTSD. Being present in my recovery is applying the ability to actively identify my symptoms if and when they occur regardless if they are old or new. Being able to identify my symptoms has made a huge improvement on my response time to acknowledge the problem, and I am able for the most part to think myself back into reality, so to speak, once identified. If I go through the day focusing on when I will have an episode or panic attack, I find that I will no doubt cause one to occur as all my energy is being pushed toward that reality. Practicing “here and now” is essential to my recovery, and I choose to stay conscious in the present moment. I do recognize that as much as I can fall into thinking of the past and or future, I do find that I am much more at peace when focused on the moment, this here and now. I leave you with a quote that resonates with me in this matter. “Starting today I need to forget what’s gone, appreciate what’s left, and look forward to what’s coming next” Unknown. I refuse to live in fear of my own mind. I accept the past and move forward. I choose to live in gratitude today no matter what happens.

M. Fawn Saylor 1/1/2016