10-19-2018
About my process to mental health
My life is like a tree with many dry branches. They are full of dead leaves and heavy with sin and dark memories.
At the heart of this tree the trunk is thick and full of life still, but it is hard and rough on the outside, as it has built up a protective covering for lack of trust in self and man.
Tired of the weight of the shadow of darkness within my mind’s memories lingering; my life’s journey leads me to observe my life’s tree and the state it is in…. and I begin peeling the bark away slowly to reveal the gentle heart beneath it all and the memories of innocence and my first love.
Traveling up the trunk as I peel away and explore life’s truths I come upon all the branches that resemble the different memories of my mind.
There are many strong, thick branches that remind me of all the terror I have faced; I used to feel so safe and comfortable sitting on them while ruminating on my hurts and past mistakes year after year.
Time to trim away and add new growth for if I hold onto these branches, they may keep me rooted in my pain.
Angered at all the time and energy spent developing these strong branches I grab the axe to my side and start chopping away only to find that these branches were actually hollow and ready to give way to depression and a life of empty dreams.
Exploring farther up the tree I see that some of the other branches are so tangled from twisted growth that I can’t even get through them to process through the memories created by the effects of trauma on my mind.
They seem like shadows so far away, but their presence still haunts me with regrets shoved aside and questions of my sanity and “What if?”.
Not wanting to live confused and struggling with what is and was, I look up to the heavens, and surrender to my Creator as I continue cutting away the branches letting go of it all.
Nearly finished with the pruning, higher up in the tree, a soft breath of freedom blows gently through the leaves as new identity in Christ and purpose whispers through my soul.
As the breeze grows stronger, the remaining lifeless leaves fall away and branches reflecting new memories of hope, love, and the possibilities of life slowly grow turning new leaves to green as the sun comes out again and new life is born.
Now I sit steadily under my tree, comforted by the fact that the shadow over me is a new healthy growth watered and preserved by my Creators love, guidance and protection.
My tree’s surface is mostly smooth and soft as it was when it was young, and the roots grow deeper in the nourishment of the Word flowing in from the stream nearby.
His Precious Daughter 