Author: His Precious Daughter

Like My Lungs Need Oxygen So My Soul Needs You.

Posted on by His Precious Daughter

I can not last one moment
Without you ever on my mind.
If I loose site of you
I loose my breath and surely stumble blind.
These fleeting wants and desires of my flesh make this so.
It is a constant fight for honor to stay true.
As vigilant as I might remain,
I still stumble over my pride.
Oh God, I hunger so,
For your perfection to make me whole.
Your Glory my end goal,
And no matter what the cost,
I stay in this fight,
For you have made a warrior out of me,
And though I may falter in my own strength,
I need only call on you
For you hear my prayer.
You surround me with your ability,
Lavishing me with pure love
I’m immediately restored anew.
You know me by name,
And give up nations to always bring me home.
I will follow after you forever
As you will still pursue me.
Your purposed design
Walks behind you now,
Fervently reaching for your steady hand
That I may never again loose you.
My hearts dream knows
I will be walking beside you one day
Arm in arm with the great I AM.
Jehovah, My Savior.
Prince of Peace.
Every step I take,
I take for you Jesus.
You chose me first.
Now I choose to be anchored in your presence
That I may never sink again.

M. Fawn Saylor
Nov 1, 2015

Three Days to See

Posted on by His Precious Daughter

 

Up above the angels waited patiently,
While here on earth Satan waited anxiously.
With only three days to see,
The Savior who died for me.
Would death overcome the Lord Jesus?
Or would His Hand hold which leads us?
After each day had come, Satan did dare,
To ask the question, “Was the Lord still there?”
Each night that question was purely answered,
 Indeed Jesus body and the grave was mastered.
But Satan would not give up this fight,
And the Lord held him back with not even half of His might.
As the end of three days came nearer,
Satan saw his fate as though through a clear, crystal mirror.
Finally the last day was none,
And to his dismay, the Christ was gone!
Now transformed souls could go to heaven,
Because the Almighty Lord had risen!
Satan had one final plan, though, still on his chalk board,
He would keep our souls from the all infinite Lord.
Christian, don’t let him win this victory!
With God’s armor, you can fight the good fight and win the lost to Gods army.
Maybe in just three days you or I could see,
With a hardened heart or bended knee.
Marjorie Fawn Saylor 3/5/95
My first poem ever at  13 yrs old

Damaged Goods?

Posted on by His Precious Daughter

I’m sitting here now going through some old poetry from my late teen years. I come across this one called Damaged Goods, and  I am immediately saddened by what I believed to be true for so long.  I’m reminded of the circumstances that led me to believe these things. Being molested and raped as a young girl mixed with the negative talk from my step father caused me to be so confused in the reality of myself.
” I feel like I have nothing left to offer anyone special,
Everything precious that I had to give,
Was so rudely taken away from me at such a young age.
I know it wasn’t my fault.
But, knowing this doesn’t change the way that I feel.
I was raised to save myself for the one I love
And that being taken means nothing is left
 Though, I know this is all in my head,
 I can’t escape this feeling.”
A good mix of legalism and child abuse can really alter a child’s mind for life if they never receive any help. The freedom I now  know in God is undeniable and I am flooded by His love, and gratitude rushes over me once again. God you are so faithful. The things that happen to us do not determine who we are in the least. You must come to realize this in order to break free of your own prison of shame and guilt. God wants us to be free and I know how hard it is to see these invisible chains, but, He died for every moment in our lives and the shame and guilt was already taken away from us that day on the cross. We don’t have to live in pain from what others do or have done to us including the things we do to ourselves thinking we are worthless. He fills us with such a joy that I can’t even describe it. He is in love with you precious believer, and wants nothing more than to pull you in close and repair your broken heart as He shelters you in His abundance.  You are loved by God. You are precious to Him and He has a purpose for everything in your life. All of it, and I assure you that He will use it for His own glory if you just simply hand it over. I also know how hard it is to let go of it. I held on to my pain and bitterness for so long because I felt like I would lose myself if I let go. I felt like it would make what others did to me okay. In all actuality it is just the opposite. I did not lose myself at all, in fact, I gained myself and the ability to forgive and move forward. What others have done to me is not okay, but, I am okay and that is what matters at the end of the day. Reader, I love you dearly and I hope this is an encouragement to your heart. It is time to heal now.
M. Fawn Saylor
October 17, 2015

Back to Reality.

Posted on by His Precious Daughter

Tonight I am getting caught up in the old memories of sentimental cheapness and desire. Consumed with the need to be wanted causing me to meditate on past mistakes and pain so that I can’t even think straight. Listening to music of this world only makes it worse. Feeding the fire within so bittersweet. Then I get a glimpse of what I’m really living in and the joy comes rushing in again. All these carnal needs mean nothing anymore. Relief floods over me as I see again who I am in Christ and I know that He knows the desires of my heart and I get back down on my knees and pray. Cleans my heart oh God that I may delight myself in you and then the pure desires of my heart will be made real. May I stay focused on your calling and plan for me for I know that I am loved and only the best you have in store for me. Let me die to my selfishness and awake with a new dose of humility. Stay on my mind and on my tongue that I might always sing your praise. We can not let ourselves get lost in the everyday feelings which will come upon us because our hearts are great liars and will lead us astray faster than we can know. I know this because it is my greatest weakness.

M. Fawn Saylor, Oct 11, 2015

Maintaining A Life With God

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I stand in awe right now in how quickly the Lord answered my prayer during devotion today by showing me areas that need changing. I’m telling you that you must ask to be filled with the Holy Spirit while reading His word for better interpretation with His truth. You must have the Holy Spirit come upon you to understand His interpretation of His truth, because our flesh can distort His word to mean what we want it to mean. Ask Him to show you what needs to be revealed for growth and change in your life. What area needs to be purged out and made new today?
My devotion after awhile led me finally to the book of Jude. In chapter 1 looking at verses 20 and 21, I received a list to maintain my life with God.

  1. Build Yourselves up on your most holy faith.
  2. Pray in the Holy Spirit.
  3. Keep yourselves in the love of God.
  4. Look for the mercy of or Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life.

Build yourselves up on your most holy faith. How do we begin to build ourselves up on faith? Do we ask for more faith, or do we act on the faith we have? If you doubt you have faith let us look at another verse. “For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith.” We, if born again, do already have faith. God gives each of us a measure of faith according to His choosing as is clear in Romans 12:3. How reassuring is that. Even if it is just a little bit, all we need is faith the size of a mustard seed to move the mountain in front of us. Matt. 17:20 and Luke 17:6. You may ask, “Why is the mountain not moving?” Well, remember also that faith without works is dead, James 2:14-16. We have to put our faith into action. That starts with believing and if  you are still struggling with doubt, pray scripture, “I believe, but, help me with my unbelief.” Mark 9:24. We act out in faith when we obey Gods word and gentle calling or nudging. Being obedient allows us to step out in faith. I think another way we can put faith into motion is by thanking God in advance for what He is going to do and the victory that we can know that He has already won. Read Judges 7:9, the battle was won before it even began and when we are called according to His purpose we can rest assured that this remains so. 
     Praying in the Holy Spirit. Eph. 6:18, 1 Corinthians 14:15, Jude 1:20. ” Praying in” meaning with the help of. Romans 8:26  “Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered” Ask for the Holy Spirit to fill you, come upon you, guide and lead you in your prayers. Pray scripture and when you don’t have the words and all you can do is groan, ask Jesus to intercede for you for He alone knows our heart and what we most need.   
   Keep yourselves in the love of God. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8,13 “ Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never fails……13 And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love. Love is the greatest gift of all. It is also the hardest to maintain. Why is it the greatest gift? Because John 3:16. “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life”  If you’re like me and each and everyone of these things that love is not, cuts and convicts you to your very core, then you are asking yourself, ” How can I be better at this love?” “I want this love in my life.” Or maybe you are thinking it is impossible as we are far from perfect, but, lets begin by recognizing the areas were we don’t practice this love. Lets take in to account this love deficit and bring it to God. Ask God to show you your shortcomings in this area. When we are aware of what we lack, we can counteract it by praying against the opposite of love. Here are a few examples. Romans 7:18 and Ps. 51:2. If your biggest struggle is pride and taking offense, then ask for humility. When humble you die to yourself and only love can abound. With Ephesians 4:2 we can ask for lowliness. I can not stress enough that we must ask and continue to ask. God tells us that if we ask according to His will it shall be granted. How then, if we ask according to His word and His truth, should we be denied?
       Looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus unto eternal life. This must be a daily asking for forgiveness, but, with true repentance, meaning, asking forgiveness and turning away from the act of that particular sin you want forgiveness for. We are not in true repentance if we ask for forgiveness and continue in the sin.
       I strongly urge you my brothers and sisters in the Lord, to ask God to fill you with His Spirit while reading His word and He WILL show you what you need to see. Let His word come alive in your life.
M. Fawn Saylor
10/10/2015

Chasing Happiness

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I always thought that happiness was in what I owned. I grew up very poor (according to our standards here in America), and it was my desire for happiness that drove me to desire money, and eventually, into the arms of sexual exploitation. I drowned myself in things, but, the happiness never came. I sought for it in men, but, it never came. I sought for happiness till I was suffocating with disappointment. I stuffed my sorrows down with drugs till I wanted to die. I thought I would never be happy …and at this point I knew I did not deserve it. It wasn’t until I was with child that I even dared to hope that my life could be different. I wanted to change but I was still trapped in an abusive relationship being told all the things my father told me as a child. I was worthless and did not deserve anything better.
My love for my daughter, now born, grew, and with it I had hope. Hope turned to courage and courage turned to relief when I had her father arrested for domestic violence. Relief turned to being able to breath again and my love for my little girl grew so strong. I did not want her to experience the life I had lived.
Even though my daughter filled my life with joy, I was not happy with myself. There was still  something missing and so much pain from the shame, guilt, and so much hurt. I started to look more closely to Jesus and He called me His own and started to restore my heart, healing and restoring the darkest parts in me that I thought could never be healed. I never truly knew what Grace was, and until I realized that He had died for every single moment in my pathetic existence I had called a life, I could not see myself the way He actually saw me.  How much He loves His Precious Daughter. Oh, how much He loves us all.
         Shortly after the realization of who I was in Him Is when I got the call to tell my story and speak up for the ones who can’t speak for themselves. Sharing my pain and escape with others brought even more healing and joy. Loving others brought on a deep desire to help others heal and over time my own confidence grew and I started to see my true potential as a women in Christ and as the mother He had called me to be. I have a love for the hurting because I understand and as my love grows with my compassion I see what you are truly worth. I see what I have to offer the world and my daughter. I see that I can be the mother that she needs in her life. I struggled with forgiveness still. It wasn’t until recently that I could truly let go and forgive. I had to ask God for a change of heart and the belief needed to  have faith and make the change was within me all along. As I mature in knowing Gods love I know I’m not the unworthy, broken vessel that I always thought I was. I am an extravagant gift of love and compassion, and knowing this, for me, is true happiness. I have a long way to go but I’m looking forward to the rest of my life figuring it out as continue to chase happiness.
M. Fawn Saylor
Oct 9, 2015


What we have all been through in this life,
Makes us so unique.
Unique in our different struggles,
Unique in our strengths to ride out this journey,
and Capable to overcome.
See your worth, and know
You are not only uniquely strong and beautiful,
But extravagantly gifted and loved,
And true happiness is at knocking at your door
Let Jesus in.
 M.F.S.
June 2015

My Resilience

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      I have not always thought of myself as resilient. Not in the least. Looking back now I see that I must have, otherwise, how could I even be sitting here right now typing away with ease? As long as I can remember, I have had to be strong. I often felt, as a child, like I was my mother’s mother and I felt responsible for my brother and sister’s wellbeing and sanity. I remember how I constantly tried to figure out how I could keep them safe …from my father. My mother called me her responsible one, but looking back over the years I cannot see how I was responsible. If I was so responsible and strong I would not have ended up in the situations that I did, allowing myself to be taken advantage of and suffering so much pain and despair as a result of my life choices.
Reflection tells me I am only being hard on myself and that indeed my level of resilience has definitely increased as a result of the amount of trauma I have encountered in my life. I think back on all the times I have survived a life threatening situation and even the thoughts of suicide. Someone recently told me after hearing my story that I reminded them of the cat with nine lives. I should be dead, but I’m not. I’m still here and stronger than ever.
My ability to deal with stress is strong yes, although, from an early childhood conditioning, I accepted certain behavior which allowed more traumas to happen over time. Maybe it was that acceptance that brought in a certain strength and ability to get through it. I’m still figuring that out but what has helped me now more than ever to be strong is my faith in God. I am absolutely reliant on His strength rather than my own. My Faith in a heavenly father is the glue to all of my broken pieces. He is what holds it all together for me. There is only so much that we can humanly bear before reaching that breaking point.
M. Fawn Saylor
March 16, 2015

Recognizing Why Kindness to You, Is Kindness to Me

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    I recognize the importance in helping others and understand that in doing so, it helps me. The biggest part of my recovery from the Victim mentality was found in helping other victims. As a survivor of sexual exploitation and domestic violence, I have found that it is essential for my own self-healing to be a healer of others that have gone through, or are still going through, what I and a few others have experience…d. Unfortunately I did not just arrive at this conclusion all of a sudden. It took a lot of time healing and recognizing my part and forgiving myself and others. I had to first recognize that I was not a Victim any longer. I say Victim with a capital V because it is the self-made victim I am referring to, meaning; I was victimized, but, continue to be a victim by staying in the hurt and blaming society for my problems. By being able to see my part and accept responsibility, I could finally forgive myself and my abusers.
Having experienced the things that I have leads me to be especially empathetic for anyone going through it. It gives me an ability to step inside their world of hurt and use my experience to help them turn it around for the better. Not only have I become empathetic to their needs but I have a strong longing to be there for them. I feel like it is my duty and in doing so I further my recovery process.
I’m not helping others to help myself though. I’m genuinely concerned for others, and I think that that is the key to the reward in helping others. I cannot imagine doing it with a selfish motive. The end result would not be the same. I’m not sure how to explain it, but, if it is all self-motivated how are you really helping the other person?
M. Fawn Saylor
March 2015

My Happiness on Purpose

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      As a co-dependent for most of my life I had based most of my happiness on other people. I knew first hand that the happiness fairy would not be knocking at my door. In fact, I very rarely experienced happiness as a child and drew on the concept that it was other people and/or circumstances that where responsible for my happiness. I lived most of my life feeling helpless and not in control of my life. It wasn’t until I began taking responsibility for my actions, by finding my part in every situation, that I was able to comprehend the idea that I was actually responsible for how I thought, felt, and my own happiness.
The last 2 years has been a journey of self-discovery and change. I have “eliminated emotional contamination” by changing the way I perceive each situation and furthermore changing my attitude. By no longer focusing the blame onto others and myself for my circumstances, I accept my part and learn to forgive. Once I can forgive then I am free to live in gratitude.
Maintaining an attitude of gratitude is easier said than done. When I feel myself start to spiral down into blame or a pity party of despair I remind myself of all that I am grateful for today. Once back into an attitude of gratitude I find myself constantly thankful for the simplest of things. I find pleasure from the wind in my hair to the look on my daughter’s face when she is contemplating how to put a sentence together. The simple things in life are what give me the most joy and take precedence over any struggle as I am reminded that, in fact, the simple things are what are most important, for they are the things that give me joy.
I find a renewed strength in shifting my focus from negative to positive, and when I start to get discouraged and am in doubt I say a prayer of gratitude for the things yet to come and am encouraged once again. I can do this at least once a day but I find myself doing it more and more and it is becoming almost habitual. This ability to be grateful is proof that change can be concrete and positively impact what was once so detrimentally negative in my life. This change had to be an inward change and now I find myself learning to be active in self-care as well, not just an inward soul care but caring for my body as well. Recognizing when I need a break and doing things that will make me feel good and healthy will complete the cycle of change in creating happiness in my life. When I take the time to de-stress and have some fun and actually relax and reflect, I find a sense of freedom and refreshment and more time to focus on the things that make me happy purposefully.
M. Fawn Saylor
March 16, 2015

The Lasting Affect of Negative Self-Talk In My Life

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     Negative self-talk has affected my self-esteem for the majority of my life and even still today from time to time. It has been painstakingly difficult to unlearn such a lifelong pattern of thought and behavior, but has been a necessary improvement to my current ongoing success. Our childhood plays a major role in how we apply positive or negative self-talk. I grew up with a verbally abusive father who always told… me that I would never amount to anything and I was worthless and dumb. I did not realize the impact that this had on my life till only a couple years ago when I started to break the cycle and change my life. I have finally started to receive healing from a life of pain that in, my opinion, was the underlying result of my psychological belief of this negative self-talk. The belief that I wasn’t worth loving, no matter how much I wanted to be loved, conditioned my under-developed brain, causing me to commit and allow actions of demoralizing behavior, further leading to patterns of co-dependence in abusive relationships, as well as allowing myself to be sexually exploited. Today I do see my self-worth and value most of the time, although there are still times where I regress. I have to constantly remind myself of my strength and beauty. “I am a survivor.”
M. Fawn Saylor
March 2015